And I Claim My 5

Oh dear, this is going to be complicated. This acronym is always used in the context "You are x AICM5 y" where y is in someway related to x. It is used to indicate that the person you are replying to exhibited some characteristics of person x, where person x is [a celebrity / a ukrm regular / something else]. An example might be if somebody posted a rant that was reminiscent of Bear then a response to it could be "You are Bear AICM5 lethally alcoholic drinks".

Beardy Old Git

Fairly self-explanatory. Sort of.

Bikers of North Yorkshire

KotL for this one is Jen (BRC) - also see the BONY information in the Meets section.

Bikers of the A414

A semi-irregular run performed by some of UKRM's London, Essex, Hertfordshire, and Cambridgeshire representatives. Doesn't always actually involve use of the A414, but it's always there in spirit. Quite often, these runs take place on a Sunday morning, start somwhere near Stanstead, and finish at High Beech.

Bikers of the A417

A run around the A417, KOTL is Marina Mayes.

Bikers of the A413

Cheap (although admitedly previously extant) imitation of the BOTAFOF. See this page for more details.

Bearers of the Thighs of Steel

Snowie is the KotL, the people who've got a number (JP & Champ at last count) keep very quiet about what they did to deserve it.

Cultivators of Face Fur.  KotL for the list if Fr. Jack.  Further information can be found at http://www.nursey.host.sk

Dumb Fuck Volunteer

Awarded for actually being plain stupid enough to volunteer to organise something for ukrm bods to participate in. Anybody who does this will quickly find themselves buried in e-mails and entangled in never ending phone calls / SMS messages about why people can't turn up, why they can't pay just yet, how it would suit them better if you could change the date and/or location just a little bit or explaining why they are now bringing along a party of 112 people rather than just themselves and their SO as they originally stated.

Even among the ranks of DFV members it was hard work to find somebody who would agree to be KotL. William Granger eventually donned the mantle and is now, presumably, lost in world of explaining what is involved in getting a DFV#, arbitrating over just how much organising you have to do to get one and trying to decide if people who take on the extra burden of trying to prise cold cash out of other ukrmers deserve some sort of special recognition.

The list is:

DFV#1 Eddie obviously
DFV#2 AndrewR for organizing BOTAFOT come rain, shine and scaffolding lorries
DFV#3 Fraggle for organizing paintball
DFV#4 TOG for various French trips
DFV#5 Windy for the FAQ.
DFV#6 DocGonz0 for news.ukrm

DoD

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Actually, someone else might know...

The Dark Order of Girlie Motorcyclists UK.

Sort of like a UK version of the NGG - if you don't know what this is, count yourself very lucky indeed. If a DOGMUK member offers you a scone, run away.

Ditch Surfers

Alan Gower is the KOTL, and a very deserving recipient of this fine award also.

Four-strokes Are Best

If you can't work this one out, well, you're a twat.

Grand And Glorious Anal Retentive Pedants Hall Of Fame

There's quite a lot of pedantry on uk.r.m. but a few people go beyond the normal ridiculous level of out-accurating people. These are those inducted into the GAGARPHOF.

Grand High Prophet Of The Holy Unquestioned Faith

This is a cult/group of fools who are in the strange habit of lauding the Honda CG125. It also has something to do with an extreme dislike of 2-stroke bikes (so why has Gonzo got one? - see, these acronym things aren't straighforward) The list currently goes something like this (and yes, it does appear that Chewbury has two numbers).:

#1 Neil Murray
#2 Matt
#3 Doc Gonzo
#4 Bastard Bear
#5 Ben Blaukopf
#6 Chewberry Gubbins
#7 Veggie Dave
#8 Sir Chewberry Gubbins
#9 Lucretia Borgia
#10 Andrew Johnston
#11 Dan Nitschke
#12 Richard Mattock

Ged You're A [Smooth Bastard / Slime Ball]

Windy is the KotL, Champ is #0, membership criteria are left as an exercise for the reader.  Alan Gower is #2 - not sure who #1 is...

I Had a Brush with the Mild Mannered Janitor

Probably too complicated to explain, unless you've been reading UKRM for months and months and months. Well, OK, it's something to do with a certain rider of a Pan European with an obnoxious colour-scheme...

I Told James Wolenstenholme to Fuck Off

James Wolenstenholme (often referred to as "JW", more often referred to as "that little wanker JW") was a clueless newbie/borderline troll who frequently appeared on ukrm spouting shit and generally rubbing everybody up the wrong way. He did own and crash a 748 at some point. As he has been missing from the list of posters for over a year now the identity of the KotL is probably a moot point.

Knee Up Rubber Down Swifties

A reaction to the UKRMFBC (you can't be in both lists, it's one or the other). There is no official KotL or numbers. You join by having somebody say to you "By Ged, you're quick on that thing" where thing is a very unlikely bike to be quick on. With those sacred words you're in, you pick your own number, but must _never_ publicise it. Ever.

Motorcycle Action Group

Those no-helmet blokes.

Middle Class Tosser

A list started by Scouser and award to people who can't possibly be "real" bikers on the grounds of them having too much money - or something. Membership criteria is pretty shaky, but pissing off Scouser seems like as good a way as any to get a number.

MCT#1 AndrewR
MCT#2 Simian

Men in Black

I've no idea what this one is about, but I think that's the point. Probably it's as simple as a little club for people who wear all-black leathers.

Midlands Ride Out

Another fairly obvious one - not quite sute who the KotL is - maybe Rob Dymond

Mid South Wales Run

Yet another self-explanatory definition - KotL is Simon Batey.

Not In A List, Don't Want To Be In A List

Fairly self explanatory. There is no KotL because everybody is #1. Of course as soon as you become #1 you no longer qualify for the number, hence you are removed from the list to make way for the next person. One suspects that somebody with a big nose started this for a laugh.

Opinionated Twat

Fairly obvious - applies to most posters to uk.rec.motos, but only worn as a badge of honour by a few old timers.

Sonny'd By Steve

The SBS list was launched on 5th October 2000, after Ace was Sonny'd [in the Holiday Reading Review thread]. The sole criterion for membership is that someone has been Sonny'd in open forum. In recognition of their special yet inadvertent achievement, women who have been Sonny'd qualify for an SBS# [with oak-leaf cluster]. KotL is Wiglaf Noxgaga. If Steve should ever address himself as Sonny on ukrm he will qualify as SBS#0, which has been reserved against that (entirely likely) eventuality.

Shaky Knowledge of Geography Award

AndrewR is the (reluctant) KotL and numbers are handed out for getting badly lost or, possibly, simply for having no grasp at all about some aspect of geography.

1 Porl (after threatening AndrewR with legal action)
2 Dan White

Sad [Trekky / Telly] Bastard

A self-explanatory list that seems to appear whenever the KotL (Dan White) remembers, which isn't very often.

The Anti-Bear

To qualify you must have no capacity for alcohol, ride like a big girl's blouse, blank out your expletives, be a loss with the ladies, have ging-ger hair and be called Rob Dymond. Should you meet all of the criteria then you're probably best off killing yourself rather than wondering about who the KotL might be.

TART

One of those odd acronyms that actually isn't an acronym. Currently only a few TART numbers out there, and AFAIK there is no official KOTL. TART's include:

#1 Bastard Bear
#10-19 Marina

That Colossal Pervert

Another "does exactly what it says on the tin" style acronym. Only available to Colossal Perverts. A fairly select list, this one; darsy is the KOTL and the list is currently:

#0 darsy
#1a Bastard Bear
#1b Mat Tab
#2 Paul Brian
#3 Melanie
#4 Molly
#5 Windy
#6 Beelzebub
#7 Lozzo
#8 Snowleopard
#10 Lotus
#11 Lucretia

Two wheeled only transport owning people

Basically, for people who don't have a car/trike/truck/microlight etc. KOTL was dog, and then Nursey, and now Christofire.

UK Moron's Club

Another one from the dawn of uk.rec.motorcycles - still a few UKMC#9s about, though.

uk.rec.motorcycles Fast Boys' Club

This honour is awarded to those who can travel very fast with relative safety and also stoppie / wheelie / get their knee down. Mat Tab is the KotL and the list looks like this:

1 Mat Tab
2 Champ
3 Bear
4 JP (Once he proves he can wheelie)
5 Ade (Provisional, for no apparent reason)
6 Alex Ferrier
6 Andy Bonwick (yes, I know, KOTL is obviously dumb)
7 Alan Gower

uk.rec.motorcycles Human Repair Club

You're entitled to one of these if you've had to overcome a serious injury/disability to get back on a bike or trike. The KOTL is Wolf.

UKRM Members Abroad

Something to do with a couple of silly twats that now live in France or something.

UKRM Rock Monkeys

A list for bikers that also climb (or, more frequently, talk about climbing on the group). Zymurgy is the KotL and, at last count, the list ran:

0 Zymurgy
1 AndrewR
2 Dave Champney
3 Glenn Hurrell

Wuss

Self-explanatory, really - no idea who the KOTL is..

You Got Lost

Has apparently only been awarded on one occasion for the "skill" of taking 7.5 hours to get from Bayeux to Calais. According to Tim it was all to do with being on the wrong side of the Seine when the ferryman was having his lunch, or something. The list goes:

1 & 2 Jane & Andrea
3 Tim
4 Sniper

You Thick Cunt

Pretty much self-explanatory. This is pretty much a general use acronym as well as a list; some posters use this acronym in just about every post they make. The KOTL for these babies is Bastard Bear, and are - to quote the man himself - "be used exclusively for acts of total and utter stupidity, above and beyond the call of nature".

Fittingly enough, there seems to be some dispute over who has what number, but it's aproximately:

#1 Bruce Porter
#2 Robert Knight
#3 Neil Murray
#4 Nick Knowles
#5 Pallaeon