It was the early 70's, and somewhere in Sunderland a small child was born to a scaffolder, and a pipe maker. There are times even now when he longs to return to the support this framework provided...

Food was hard to come by in those days and the families weekly luxury, a little fishie, on a little dishie when the boat came in was in reality a stolen goldfish half chewed by the neighbours cat.

Unperturbed by the tough realities life had to throw at him the young and impetuous Sunderland boy eventually found a way to become integrated with the rest of society; a new government scheme known as care in the community would provide him with a valuable link to the outside world. His first tentative steps were not easy, after all how do you gain respect when you're from Sunderland?

With such a difficult start in life it seemed a new identity was required, so he left for the mystical gold prospecting fields of Staffordshire, changed his name from Dwane to Andrew and purchased some exceedingly large comedy spectacles... He eventually found the sympathy of an attractive blonde named Helen. (well, it wasn't so much sympathy as she needed some ballast to stop her falling off when rock climbing.) But as with any story, happiness never comes in the middle, Andrew's life in Staffordshire was cut tragically short when someone spotted him in a pub and said "F*ck off if you're not buying a round you geordie tosser!" Being all mouth and no trousers, he left never to return and found a new home in some insignificant corner of Oxfordshire, he purchased both a wife, and later a baby from the Internet. They then set up home down a side street where people wouldn't be able to find him at all.

From this dark and mysterious new location the ancient church of the unholy order of BOTAFOT was formed, an evil organisation which seeks new members from the seediest corners of Usenet and the Internet in general. Preying on the weak, the afflicted, and"can't say no" egomaniacs it's number has grown and now presents a significant threat on all that is reasonable and good. Our sources believe this may be the prequel to some form of membership for a pyramid selling scheme and will be used to finance more sinister aims.... Or Kawasaki plastics.

In the mean time Andrew has been gaining support by manipulating the masses with his patented mind control posts, victims may be identified by their attempts to stifle laughter whilst at work, apparently looking at nothing in any way funny, nothing at all.

I mean, it's not like anyone would slack off at work, is it?