It is neither big, nor clever, to take the piss out of Mathew's physical and mental shortcomings …

… it is fun, though.

Things Mat Believes:

That speeding at over 150 mph is not only safe, but a moral imperative.

That all Policemen can be talked into dropping any speeding charge, at any time, for any reason. Recent events have proved him wrong on this count.

That the front wheel on every motorcycle ever made is at its most efficient when lofted at an angle of 45 degrees.

That he is a bronzed, attractive Adonis.

That his nose is not in any way, shape or form reminiscent of an elephant's trunk that has become painfully trapped in a door.

That he can drink copious quantities of alcohol will no ill-effects.

That no woman on earth can resist his earthy charms.

That his Bristolian accent makes him sound erudite and well educated, rather than thicker than pig shit.

That Bike Club UK will make a profit within the next decade.

That looking so painfully thin that he resembles a one-man, DIY famine and dressing like a mobile jumble sale is the next "in" look.

In short, he is what we in the trade refer to as an "Open Class F*ckwit", though this is somewhat mitigated by the fact that he also a thoroughly decent fellow [1]

[1] For an Open Class F*ckwit, of course