Where do you go to, my Windy?

Lyrics by Nick
Music by Peter Sarstedt

You look like Barbara Cartland,
and you dance like Bastard the Bear.
Your clothes are all bought from Oxfam,
and there's feathers and socks in your hair.
Yes, there are.

You live in a tumbledown hovel,
with your broom, propped up in the shed.
Where you keep all your Grumbleweeds records,
and some from the Worzels, it's said.

You go to the best newsgroup parties,
where you talk to both biker and geek.
And the young men who tell you they're "sorry",
Are tortured for nearly a week.
Yes, they are.... 

<chorus>
But where do you go to my Windy...
when you're alone in your bed.
Tell me the thoughts that surround you.
Oh, dear. What have I just said?
</chorus>

I've seen all your qualifications,
that you got from the OU.
And the gasket you stole from Neil Murray,
your Windiness shines through and through. 

When you go on your summer vacation,
you go to Weston Super Mare.
With your carefully designed topless swimsuit,
no, let's *so* not go there. 

And when the snow falls you're found in any pub,
or a friend's house, for a cup of tea.
And you guzzle your vodka and orange,
then pop in on the taxman to pee.
Yes, you do. 

<chorus>

You're in between ***ty and ***ty
, a very remarkable age.
They say you live life to the limit,
and you've even performed on the stage. 

Your name it is heard in weird places.
You know Pedantic Dan.
He sent you a neat's foot for Christmas
and you keep it just for fun, for a laugh,
aha aha. 

They call you a crozzled old clucker,
but just don't believe that it's true.
That Wolf is a cheeky old f*cker,
and the same holds for Doc Gonz0, too,

< chorus>

Ah, remember the back streets of Walsall,
two posters frogging in rags.
Both touched with a flaming ambition,
to shake off their loathed "newbie" tags,
so they try. 

So look into my face Windy Sue,
and remember just who you are.
Then go and kill-file me forever,
but I know you still bear the scar,
deep inside, yes, you do,
at the end of the day. 

Ah, I know where you go to my Windy...
when you're alone in your shed.
I know all the things that annoy you,
but I'll just say "SORRY" instead.