1970 or thereabouts, he was getting invested or married or something and there was bugger all else on the tele and the roads were empty.

I had a 250 yam smoker with a bolt on blue over gold metalflake go faster fairing and racing tank and seat and shit. Bike show special it was, cost me 450 quid brand new as I remember. Matching pale blue Rivetts leather with gold lining. Chamfered footpegs and abrasion holes in both sides of the fairing, ye gods did that fucking thing corner.

Coming out of Ilford along the Cranbrook road. No traffic at the big corner at the bottom of the hill so give it beans, a bit to much beans for a road with a sharp adverse camber as it goes.

Run out of road and have a second or two of mild relief finding I could just about control a mini wall of death up the kerb and started think of alternative strategies for shedding some speed and getting it out of the gutter when I saw the driveway.

Got off deliberately just as the bike went down and rolled over the front. Had a nasty moment listening to the bike coming up the road behind me wondering which would stop first and came to an abrupt halt.

When I opened my eyes I was apparently sitting on the pavement facing the road with my back a foot into a conveniently placed hedge.

I was in the process of wiggling my fingers and toes and getting nothing but happy signals back again as a man walking his dog stepped over me and continued walking down the road. For some reason this really pissed me off so I got up and chased after him. I said something to the effect of, "Good sir. Prithee, what do you think you are doing walking straight past? I could be broken or dead or something." Honest to god, he stepped back looked my up and down twice and in absolutely flat tones delivered, "Well, obviously this is not the case," turned on his heel and walked his dog out of my life forever.

Total damage to me was half a dozen kin painful as hell little holes in the heel of my right foot where the nails which held the Cuban heel onto my boot managed to stay put while the 2 and a half inch highly polished black leather heel itself was lost during the accident. Of course this damage did not actually happen until I stood up and chased the bloke down the road afterwards. I also had an almighty great bruise on the back of my right hand. I remember how I got it as well, when I arrived at the road it was face down and I headbutted the back of my hand with my helmet. I banged me knee as well but I do not find out about this until I got out of bed the next day, coincidentally it was also the day I discovered both the medicinal and recreational uses of Dog Growlers and Australian Nurses.

A couple of weeks later I knocked myself out running headfirst into a crash barrier on the Eastern Avenue just before the Whalebone Lane lights having the second before survived a terrifying moment under the back of a lorry which started with me doing about <cough>mph through the rush hour traffic whilst under the influence of prescribed drugs, which came with no prohibition regarding their use and driving but were enough to get me sent home from work when I was discovered wandering aimlessly around the factory mumbling to myself, and him having no brake lights. Actually it was the bike which went *under* the lorry, I stopped when I hit the tailgate. Rush hour it was, busy. Which is why I did what I did[1]: I picked myself up I put my head down and ran straight for the side of the road, I didn't want to get kin run over did I?

I got the drugs after a visit to the docs when I had another, extremely minor accident some time previous. I woke up in the middle of the road underneath the bike. I mean it I literally woke up. I had fallen asleep at the lights, a second later I was horizontal and awake again. Embarrassing that one was.

[1] Actually not true but the truth concerns the instant death of a motorcycle policeman at that very spot not so long before when apparently two lorries closed the gap he was filtering through so I will not include that in my tale because my half truth version is funnier and besides it might affect the sensibilities of the sad cunts who only want to hear good news and none of us want to do that do we?