In 1974 the woefully under-reported whiskey blight caused hordes of Irish to cross the mighty sea to England, pursuing new lives, a brighter future and their god-given right to be incoherently drunk by 8:30am.

Among this swarm was a young man by the name of Shamus O'Flannigan, resplendent in his first ever suit (green), a pig tucked under his arm, his head full of dreams and his pockets full of semtex.  The officer at the job centre took one look at this ensemble and sent Shamus for an interview as a brick layer, because web consultants hadn't been invented yet.

Living among the xenophobic English, Shamus was quick to realise that he needed to change his stereotypical bog-trotting ways if he was to achieve his dream ... a dream where he had saved enough money to drink 24 hours a day until he died.  Picking an English name from a radio broadcast of "Jane Eyre" he became Darsy.

A lesser man than Darsy might have remained a humble brick-layer for ever, but Darsy had that rarest of nasal gifts ... a nose for porn.  Elsewhere in the world the Internet was being born and Darsy sniffed out the potential for an endless supply of one-handed reading material.  His humble
brick-layers pay-packet financed the first ever Internet connection in the UK and Darsy joined the Smithsonian institute on the Internet.

In those early days of just the two of them porn was hard to come by, Darsy's many hours alone with his 2,400baud modem, searching the Smithsonian and downloading were fruitless.  The disappointment of beaver.bmp was followed by the further let-downs of shag.bmp, swallow.bmp and, most cruelly of all, great-tits.bmp, but these images did give Darsy a whole new interest in bestiality.

Darsy finally realised that if he wanted porn on the net he was going to have to take an active role.  He hung up his hod (and try saying that when you're pissed) and reinvented himself as an Internet business consultant, with the ever flexible strategy of "Get your site on the net, get some porn
on your site".

So life plodded on until 1996, which was a bitter-sweet year.  Darsy finally achieved his long-standing goal of having perused every porn site on the web.  Every picture had been scrutinised most carefully and there was no new porn to be had.  Darsy was forced to use the net for non-porn purposes, but was lucky to come across a fledgling newsgroup that seemed to be populated by people almost as sick, twisted and perverted as he himself was.

Quickly buying a motorbike so as to fit in, Darsy joined ukrm, since when he has become affectionately known as "that perverted Irish web bod who rides really slowly and looks like the orange Tango man when he's naked", which is as good a profile as any, really.